“Automated, streamlined plan-to-pay functionality for all users, suppliers, and commodities boost user, process, and price compliance and drive exceptional spend management efficiency across your enterprise.” There are 18,000 words of this tortured text to be put into German by next Wednesday. Help! Can somebody please translate this into English first?

Just yesterday I downloaded the newest version of the official German Microsoft glossary. MS glossaries change from time to time, and it is a good idea to stay up-to-date. They are available from the company’s ftp-site ftp.microsoft.com/developr/msdn/NewUp/Glossary — and then you pick your language. When I opened the new ZIP file I noticed that now there are separate glossaries for the Macintosh versions of Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Office, Messenger and MediaPlayer.

Macintosh terminology has always been a bit of a problem. While Microsoft has been developing comprehensive glossaries and has made them available to everyone, I have found it difficult to get my hands on “official” Macintosh word lists. Perhaps I wasn’t looking hard enough?

[11/18: Fixed the URL. It should be working now.]

“I suppose most people want to write their own book,” she answered. “But I think I’m better at translating what others want to say.” (Amy Tan: The Bonesetter’s Daughter)

I always thought that it would be next to impossible to explain to an outsider the workings of an American election — just take the fact that there were more choices on the ballots here in Boone County on November 2 than, for example, in ten German election together. But now I know it would be dead easy compared to explaining Mike Thompson’s Declaration of Expulsion in Human Events and his take on the “two Americas.” Translate this:

BUSH USA is predominantly white; devoutly Christian (mostly Protestant); openly, vigorously heterosexual; an open land of single-family homes and ranches; economically sound (except for a few farms), but not drunk with cyberworld business development, and mainly English-speaking, with a predilection for respectfully uttering “yes, ma’am” and “yes, sir.”

GORE/KERRY USA is ethnically diverse; multi-religious, irreligious or nastily antireligious; more sexually liberated (if not in actual practice, certainly in attitude); awash with condo canyons and other high-end real estate bordered by sprawling, squalid public housing or neglected private homes, decidedly short of middle-class neighborhoods; both high tech and oddly primitive in its commerce; very artsy, and Babelesque, with abnormally loud speakers.

Looks suspiciously like it.

If the constant checking of your rank in Google and other search engines still leaves you restless, here a tool to help you better determine the popularity of your website or blog. A site that has a total score of 1,000-5,000 is considered average. A site with a total of 20,000 is considered popular. Sites with totals above 100,000 are ICONS. Where does yours come in?

Ich wußte gar nicht, wie populär der Studiengang Übersetzen und Dolmetschen ist. Laut einem Bericht meiner Alma Mater, der Universität des Saarlandes, zu den Zulassungszahlen des Wintersemesters, mußten zahlreiche Studienbewerber abgwiesen werden. „Neben Medizin, Zahnmedizin, Biologie, Pharmazie, Psychologie und Betriebswirtschaftslehre, die dem zentralen Vergabeverfahren (ZVS) unterliegen, sind dies eine Reihe von Fächern, in denen eine örtliche Zulassungsbeschränkung vorgenommen werden musste, um die hohe Qualität der Lehre gewährleisten zu können. Den größten Andrang hatten hier Rechtswissenschaft, Lehramt Deutsch sowie Übersetzen und Dolmetschen Englisch zu verzeichnen.“

„Firefox ist der Ururenkel von Netscape, jener fast ausgestorbenen Software, die Ende des vergangenen Jahrhunderts die Initialzündung der Internet-Revolution samt dazugehöriger Börsenblase war.“ (Financial Times Deutschland)

So that was it? Just like that? What a disappointment. I find the idea that one of the contender has to concede a bit silly, really. This was not a schoolyard fight — although it sometime looked and sounded like it. Befitting the dignity of the occasion, the body in charge of elections should count the votes and announce the winner.

But then again, perhaps there was no body in charge…